


Love Was Not for Her

by ununquadius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, F/F, Falling In Love, POV Pansy Parkinson, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununquadius/pseuds/ununquadius
Summary: Pansy had have a hard time with love in her life. She thought that maybe love was not for her, but for everybody else. Or maybe there's still hope for her.





	Love Was Not for Her

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta for reading this in a minute and correct all the grammar mistakes!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this little fic! :)

Pansy knew that love was not for her, love was something that happened to others. But that was a recent thought; when she was little she was convinced that she would have her fairytale love story.

She grew up in a big manor in the English countryside. The manor was very old and her parents remind her daily of the immense value of the ornaments that stood in its silent rooms. All the rooms were dark but hers; she had made her father spell it to look a soft pink, her favourite colour. Her walls were decorated with posters of the heroines of her favourite tales and her paintings, dreams of far away lands, adventures, and the love of a charming boy. This boy would always have Draco’s features. She pictured them married in a big wedding and as elegant and lovely to each other as Mrs. and Mr. Malfoy were.

Draco was and ever would be her best friend. With barely contain excitement, she awaited the visits to Malfoy Manor or the Malfoys’ visits to her home. They played together in the garden, imagining being on an adventure, discovering old treasures, fighting dark wizards, or running away from Muggles that wanted their magical powers. Life is good and simple when you have your best friend by your side and the both of you live in a little bubble of happiness and games.

When Pansy turned eleven she was a little scared and very excited. What if she wasn’t in Slytherin? What if Draco made new friends and didn’t like her anymore? But she was in Slytherin with Draco and, although both of them made new friends, they always had time for each other. And life was good again.

Her five first years at Hogwarts were marked by happiness. Well, for the most part. She learned about magic but learned about people as well. She learned that her housemates looked up to Draco like her, and that they saw her as his female counterpart. The two of them were their house leaders (or maybe just the leaders of their year at Slytherin.) She was looked up to by her female friends. 

The Christmas of her fourth year found her nervous in her bed. They were to have a ball! She wanted to go with Draco, but she had heard what Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown said about her: that her nose is like a pug’s. Draco was handsome and what was she? Some silly girl that looked like a dog. But he asked her to go with him and she accepted immediately. She was so gleeful! They danced and laughed until midnight. It was like the balls in her fairy tales, like the splendid balls her mother talked about but Pansy had never been invited to. 

But that was it. Pansy was hoping that Draco would kiss her after the ball or maybe that they would become a couple. However Draco didn’t do any of that. Pansy had been brought up to believe that girls shouldn’t take the initiative, so she didn’t either.

In fifth year she thought that maybe they would start dating. But apart from the friendship they had always shared, nothing happened. And it angered her. Because Granger, (Granger! That mudblood!) had been with Viktor Krum last year, Daphne Greengrass was dating Theo Nott, even the tomboys she-Weasley and Cho Chang were dating. So why not her? She tried to make Draco jealous by flirting with Blaise, but Draco didn’t mind and Blaise didn’t care about her. She had to swallow her feelings in the end, because Lucius Malfoy was in Azkaban and Draco needed his friend and not a girl worried about her love life.

And that was sixth and seventh year as well. Wanting Draco more than anything but being unable to say something. “Girls don’t propose to men, Pansy, girls who flirt are nothing but tarts,” said her mother. And Pansy was not a tart. So she treasured what little she had and daydreamed about the rest.

At the end of the war she thought that her chance was there. Some of the people in her year were going to return to Hogwarts, and then she could spend time with Draco. Just the both of them, as the other Slytherins were a group of their own.

However, in December Draco told her that he was seeing Astoria Greengrass. Pansy’s world collapsed. Astoria was pretty, elegant, sweet; everything she thought she herself would be someday. But she was just a snarky teen with a pug nose. It was then when she gave up on love. Love was not for her. 

After Hogwarts she distanced herself of her friends. She studied Magical Law and became one of the youngest lawyers to ever have her own firm. 

In her mid twenties she had a decent amount of money that she spent on a modern flat in muggle London, protected with a tone of Muggle repelling spells. She was elegant, snarky, dressed in the best robes, wearing the most expensive makeup and destroying her rivals in court. Not a single case lost. 

She was in court one day when she saw her. Padma Patil was wearing a blue robe that made her look even prettier than she was. Pansy had always thought that Padma was one of the most gorgeous girls in their year. She was an intelligent woman with big, brown eyes that shone when she learned something. She was standing in the hall, her head up, with a nasty look in her face directed at the man next to her. 

“You have lost, Anthony, I am not going to give you my money” she was saying.

“I lost my job, you should provide for me!” said Anthony Goldstein. Pansy recalled they were a couple at Hogwarts. It seemed they had split up. 

“You quit your job because, ‘Padma you’re making me look bad earning so much money, the lads at work laugh at me,’” said Padma, mimicking a man’s voice. “It’s not my problem if you’re an idiot.” And with that she left. 

Pansy stood there for a minute, just enjoying the words she had overheard. Oh, men’s pride! What a fragile and delicate thing! 

She’d had a few relationships, if one could call a few dinners and a few fucks a relationship, and all of them had been the same: men patronizing her or being intimidated by her ambition and power and her refusing to give up her status for them. She understood Padma far better than the former Ravenclaw probably thought. 

The next day found her marauding in Diagon Alley. She was invited to a party at the house of one of her old clients and she needed a dress to wear. 

She had just walked past that horrid shop of the Weasleys’ when she spotted a shop that she hadn’t seen before. The sign identified it as Patil’s Patterns. In the window she could see a very elegant dark red robe. The shop looked fancy and expensive, words that worked a spell on Pansy, commanding her to enter.

Inside she found more elegance; delicate objects adorning the walls and tables, exquisite fabrics exposed on tables and mannequins. At her right an ancient lady was trying on a midnight blue robe and—Pansy’s heart made a funny jump—Padma was suggesting some arrangements for the dress. 

Pansy waited for the lady to leave and then asked Padma for a dress for herself. She spent two hours in the shop and six hundred galleons on a beautiful black dress that made her feel like one of those Muggle models. She had spent two hours on delightful talk about dresses, makeup, and the mysteries of haute couture.

She came back. For a cocktail dress, for a casual robe, for a dress for a wedding, for a reception, for the sparkle of Padma’s eyes, for her laugh, for her wit, for her.

So now, what’s she doing? “Between a girl and a boy there can be love; between two girls or two boys there can just be friendship,” were her mother’s words when five year old Pansy said that she wanted to marry Mrs. Malfoy. 

But she is sure that she loves Padma. This feeling in her gut isn’t like the one she had with the men she had dinner with or who invited her to their bed. This is like the feeling Draco’s presence used to stir in her. 

The thing is that Padma and her had already kissed. In Eighth Year. One of the boys (was it Thomas? Blaise?) had suggested that they played truth or dare. Daphne, the bitch, had asked her about her feelings for Draco so Pansy had asked for a dare. Granger dared her to kiss Padma and she did. That was her first kiss. And although she knew it wasn’t real and it was with a girl, it meant the world to her. It was awkward but had something special to it as well, something sweet. Like something secret that only Padma and her knew. 

After that kiss came others in the truth or dare madness. Draco had to kiss Potter and had gone all pink in the cheeks. Then Balise… Draco had to kiss Potter and had gone all pink in the cheeks! You don’t blush if you have to kiss someone that doesn’t matter to you, right? But they were enemies, so maybe it was because of that. Pansy would go redder than a poppy if she had to kiss Granger. But then again… weren’t Draco and Potter missing a couple of times in Eighth Year? Wasn’t Draco staring at Potter that one time in Charms while Pansy tried to gossip about Abbott’s new hairstyle? And wasn’t Draco a little too eager to discuss the she-Weasley’s looks? 

If she isn’t reading too much into this, maybe Draco is like her. Maybe she isn’t alone in this madness. Maybe she isn’t weird for finding love in someone she shouldn’t. Before she can talk herself out of this, she Apparates to Malfoy-Greengrass Manor. 

And there she learns everything. Draco and Potter were dating that final year at Hogwarts, in secret. Draco was embarrassed; he too was taught that boys couldn’t date other boys. He ended the relationship and started dating Astoria. He doesn’t love her and she doesn’t love him either. The best he can tell Pansy is to go with her feelings. He isn’t happy. He still loves Potter. There’s nothing wrong in loving someone, even if they are of the same sex as you. He is going to be there for Pansy, no matter what. Go for it.

And so she does. She takes the initiative. She tells Padma about her feelings and Padma tells Pansy about hers. They kiss. And this kiss is as sweet as the first one but also full of love, acceptance, and a cosy place just for the two of them. They start dating. They kiss and make love and kiss again. Pansy is happy at last. 

“Maybe,” Pansy thinks, lying lazily in bed with her girlfriend, “love is for me too”.


End file.
